| Chapter 5 |
At one-thirty the following Thursday afternoon, James entered David’s office and quietly
took the chair in front of the desk. David looked at his watch. They had not planned to
go to the gym until four o’clock.
“Have I forgotten another meeting or something?” David asked, studying the muted
expression on his friend’s face. He noticed at once an unusually quiet demeanor, eyes
intense, revealing, hands restless on the arms of the chair.
James failed to respond. His full lips slightly parted, he sat waiting, as if nothing could
be said more clearly than his quiet submissive gaze.
David nervously tapped his fingers on the desk, the message in James’s dark eyes as
clear as if stated. His voice came in a near helpless whisper. “James...” He closed
his eyes with a dry swallow.
“I canceled my appointments this afternoon,” James said with unmistakable intent.
“Couldn’t concentrate on a file. I avoided a meeting because I knew I wouldn’t
remember a word said.”
David looked at his friend a moment longer, then stood and walked to the window. He
stared out a long while in distant thought. Somewhere in his mind he knew they would
surrender, and that moment was before him now. He felt his destiny cast on a breeze
and found it bore no guilt, for that had evaporated in the warmth of a lover’s gaze. He
turned and his eyes fell across shoulders and chest, masculine contours that beckoned
and quickened the flow of blood. An unspoken conclusion had passed between them,
no longer resistible, no longer encumbered by pretense or doubt.
David’s thoughts were in harmony with the pleas of his body. He drew another breath.
“There’s an underground parking garage at that hotel at Mockingbird and Central.”
James nodded.
“I’ll follow you. You can wait in the parking garage while I go up and get the room. I’ll
get two keys so we can go up separately.”
♦ ♦ ♦
David handed James the key and watched him walk silently toward the elevator. When
James disappeared behind the electronic doors, he gazed absently across the lonely
cavern of concrete and parked cars. Facing the forbidden mysteries of an unexplored
path, his uneasy breath and fast beating heart made what he was about to do very
real. Sensuous shadows formed in his mind, beguiling images that made gooseflesh
crawl on his skin. They summoned with the power to draw him toward the elevator,
taunting him with uncertainty and guilt.
He pressed number six and felt an upward motion that made him lightheaded. His
eyes closed and he leaned against the carpeted wall and took a few deep breaths to
steady his nerve. The afternoon had become a surreal dream.
David entered the room and closed the door. It seemed his heart had stopped, only to
pound even harder moments later as the chilled air flared through his nostrils.
Staring out the window, James turned. His dark eyes implied he had already passed
the point of no return. Releasing a sigh, James watched his friend step forward and
stop in the middle of the room. He sensed the desire in David’s eyes on his skin, and
imagined the warmth of his hands on his body. His heart raced in his chest as he
stepped from the window and unknotted his tie and tossed it on a chair. He paused
and their eyes met when he reached for the buttons on his shirt.
David moved backward and sat on the corner of the bed, allowing himself a moment to
comprehend what it meant to see his best friend undressing. Not a dream or fleeting
thought, but the reality of two men in sync, little more than an arm’s length from their first
caress. What he had fantasized about was taking place before him. David sat
spellbound, mellowing with a nervous light sweat, disconcerted by this unthinkable turn
of events. What now? Where will this lead—two men, best friends all these years,
coming together this way?
James removed his shirt and it joined the tie on the chair. He leaned forward to
remove his shoes and then kicked them aside. Off came his socks and his big hands
moved to the belt. He unbuckled it and lowered the zipper, then unfastened the pants
and pushed them down his muscular legs. Muted in the glare of sunlight, he stood
passively in white cotton briefs, his quiet gaze captivating an awaiting lover. Then his
thumbs disappeared beneath the waistband. The briefs came down his legs and his
cock sprang free, rich in tar-like color and jutting outward as if to announce a well-
defined need. He stood naked before the man he had worked with for fifteen years,
the man he had known as his best friend, perspiration glistening on black skin
patterned with tight curls of black hair that ran across his chest and down his belly.
With powerful arms limp at his side, his face warm with desire, he stood in the gaze of
devouring eyes.
“Lost your tongue?”
David’s looked up. “Wow...” the word soft and dreamlike. It was the two of them
together, four walls and a locked door, and time that all at once seemed to stand still.
“I'm trying to believe this is happening.”
“I’m feeling a little self-conscious.”
“Why? It’s just the two of us here.”
“You’re still dressed and I’m standing here naked. It’s like electricity is running through
my body.”
“James, damn, you’re beautiful.” David glanced over him again and looked back up.
“It’s so different … being here in a room like this. I’m used to stealing a glimpse in the
gym shower.” He exhaled a long sigh. “This is real, isn’t it? I could walk over there and
touch you, anywhere I want.”
“Yeah, you could.”
David’s eyes wandered again. All those years ... business deals, vacations, dinners
out with our wives. All those secret fantasies when you walk into the room. Suddenly
James seemed like a different man, more than a partner and best friend, but also a
companion in a private world just the two of them shared, at one with the special
harmony known only by like-minded men. “I've got to let this soak in ... I’d just like to
look at you for a while.”
Tingles raced across James’s skin. He felt sensuously passive as the moment
stretched. This was different all right. He had not been made love to this way before,
standing naked before a pair of riveted eyes, the eyes of another man. “What do we
do now?” he finally asked.
Their eyes met. All of his old perspectives had evaporated in the heat of the here and
now. David’s gaze swept over the tall muscular body, the broad chest rising and falling
with restless anticipation. He stood and approached, circling behind the well-shaped
landscape of masculine flesh, drawn to the provocative shadows and the contours of
black skin, his hands ready to experience what his mind for years had imagined.
"Isn’t that supposed to come naturally?”
James’s shoulders relaxed. “Seems like it already is.”
His eyes had feasted on James’s magnificent body many times. This time he used his
hands. They glided over the moist skin, the strong back, then his fingers raked
between the fleshy rounds of gluteal muscle. He leaned closer to James’s ear. “It’s
warm down there, damp.”
“You’re making me sweat.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yes,” he sighed, “and turned on.”
David’s lips touched his neck and his nostrils filled with the scent of a man’s sweat.
“The other day…” he whispered, “at the club, when we were in the shower. You leaned
over to pickup the soap. Can you imagine what went through my mind?”
“You want me to bend over?” James asked over his shoulder, his voice passive and
compliant.
“This time you’ll know what I’m looking at and what I’m thinking.”
James stepped closer to the bed, leaned forward and rested his palms on the
mattress. He spread his legs and captured David’s gaze. David stepped forward,
white hands resting on black hips. He slowly dropped to his knees and allowed his
eyes a visual feast of male symmetry, an ass squeezed tight and testicles dropping low
between a pair of taut legs. No longer burdened by the taboos that forbid such acts, he
stared as his hands closed on the fleshy mounds and his thumbs pressed into the
crease and parted them, releasing a musk that inflamed his passion, a spellbinding
moment of touch and taste, of lips brushing forbidden flesh, of two men at one with their
bodies.
Overwhelmed by long denied sensations, James turned when David got off of his
knees and began to undress him. First the buttons on his shirt. David’s eyes closed
as silence engulfed them, and shivers raced across his arms when the shirt was lifted
from his shoulders, then sweet chills when his pants came down his legs. Standing
naked, his skin tingling with cool air charged with desire, his hands ached with
irresistible urges. He felt James’s eyes and he waited a moment to collect his thoughts.
James reached for David’s cock. It felt warm and hard in his hand, incredibly intimate.
“All these years we’ve known each other, I wondered what it would be like to do this.”
“I like it.” He looked down at his cock in James’s hand.
“Any guilt?”
“Not yet.”
“We could back out ... get dressed and...”
“No,” David interrupted. “We’ve waited too many years already.”
James looked at him a moment longer. A deep reverence appeared in his eyes. He
put his hand behind David’s head and pulled him closer. Their lips touched, a
reserved, lingering kiss. As the kiss grew wetter it evolved with abandon, alive with
passion and need. Then James pulled him in tight and whispered: “Let’s get in the
shower.”
The small room filled with steam a minute or two after they stepped into the tub.
James, standing behind his lover, reached for the soap. With large soapy hands he
delivered wave after wave of pleasure, his shoulders and back, then from behind,
between his legs, soaping and caressing him there. A shallow probe and David’s
anus tightened on the curious finger. His head fell back, his body fell limp and he
moaned as the slow act lingered.
“James ... that feels good,” a breathless whisper, binding them on a new level.
James withdrew his finger and wrapped his arms around David’s chest and drew him
close. “There’s been so many times I’ve thought about this ... so many ways I want to
know you.” His palm slid down over David’s belly. “All this time. Why didn’t we realize
it?”
David turned and his gaze settled on James’s chest, skin that looked blacker running
with white soap. They stood in the steam, wet and warm in a glow of submission, one’
s cock nudging the other. David reached down and joined them in one grip and
stroked the two together, feeling a little lightheaded with the intimacy.
James knelt and let the spray rinse David’s cock free of soap. It flexed in response to
his warm mouth and released a drop of semen, teasing James’s hunger. Tentative
and slow at first, moments later a fury of sucking and a greedy tongue. Lost in the
sensations spreading through his body, David felt the spasms and pulsing release.
Then, as the sweet tension melted into yielding muscle, he turned and braced himself
against the tile.
With the shower spray pelting his shoulders, James came up off his knees and took
hold of David’s cheeks, prying them open with his thumbs. He pushed a soapy finger
inside, further in this time, finding new depth. David groaned. Chills ran through his
body as a second finger pushed through. As the pain turned to pleasure, James
positioned himself with a determined push, the inflamed glans pressing into the
hopelessly small hole, more intimate than the finger, more urgent, more expressive of
male need.
Years of fantasy and want came alive in every cell of David’s body. Enduring the sharp
sweet pangs, he breathed in gasps, the push slow and determined. Resigned to its
painful thickness, he clenched his teeth as the cock pushed through. A steamy sweat
filmed his body by the time James’s pubic hair crushed against him, and the pain
dissolved into an almost unbearable kind of pleasure. Slow at first, fluid, easier with
time, it evolved inevitably into unrestrained thrusts. Black hands gripped white hips
and the sensations from one seemed to pass into the other. The need had awakened
in their genes; for this, they both knew, could not have been denied forever.
James’s buttocks squeezed tight. He moaned and locked his arms around his lover’s
ribs. David felt the spasms inside, wholly content he had been the cause. James held
on, resting the side of his face on David’s shoulder, breathing hard against his neck. A
few moments passed as both men contemplated the line they had crossed, neither
aware of passing time or the world outside, both free of regrets.
When he softened and slipped out, James whispered: “Hmm ... I’m hooked.”
David remained quiet. He sensed something had happened to him, but couldn’t say
what. It was like a kind of energy inside, something pleasant, something that made him
feel closer to James than he had ever imagined. This, with this man, was as much a
part of him as the need for air or any other form of nourishment. This was intended.
With barely the strength to stand, they showered off the remnants of sex and sweat and
went back into the bedroom still wet. James threw back the bedding and sat down on
the cool sheet and reclined against the headboard. David joined him and rested the
back of his head on James’s lap, the paradox of male sex still pervasive in the room.
They lay quietly for a while, pondering a destiny that had brought them here.
How could it be defined or explained? How could the long-smoldering embers of
desire have finally compelled two men to take such risks? How could it ever again be
ignored?
David looked up at the reflective expression on James’s face. “I can’t describe how I
feel. I wanted to make love with you, but I wasn’t expecting to feel this way afterwards.
This close. I thought it was an urge to be with a man, to be with you. It’s more than
that. The emotional part is more potent than the sex.”
James, stroking David’s hair, had noticed it, too. “There’s no going back, not now or
ever.”
David stretched out his legs, extending his feet past the edge of the bed. “Too many
years slipped though our fingers,” he said wistfully.
James shifted his gaze to David’s lower body, whose legs were crossed at the ankles.
His penis, spent and flaccid, lie resting atop testicles partly wedged between his
thighs. James took it into his hand and ran his thumb over the tiny hole and right away
felt the swelling weight of arousal. “No reason we can’t make up for a few lost years.”
“When you were standing beside the bed and I knelt behind you ... I couldn’t believe it
affected me that way. Like I was drugged. ...Was it like that with the guy in college?”
“No,” James said flatly, staring at the ceiling. Not like that at all, David. Far different
than what’s happened between you and I. He didn’t say it out loud. He couldn't. That
would be much too close to crossing the one line that neither one of them could afford
to cross.
“I’ll never get enough,” David sighed. He closed his eyes again, his body relaxed and
languid on the sheet. “Look at us, laying here naked together. In a little while we have
to go home and face our wives. Linda’s planning to grill fish in the back yard tonight.
Jeff’s coming home from school.”
James looked at him and released an ironic breath. “Yeah, and while they’re trying to
get you involved in the conversation, you’ll be thinking about getting fucked in the
shower.”
“Uh-huh. I still won’t believe it happened.”
“We’ve got Shasha’s mother coming over for dinner. I’m supposed to pick up Chinese
on the way home.”
“And when they’re asking you why you forgot the chopsticks, you’ll be thinking about
squeezing your best friend’s balls.”
“Think we can handle it?”
“We have no choice. Has to be easier to deal with than denial has been.”
“We think alike, my friend.”
“Well, ain’t nothing ever gonna be the same.” David shifted his weight and propped
himself on his elbow. “I’ve known the question a long time. Just never suspected you
were the answer.”
♦ ♦ ♦
David’s eyes opened at seven o’clock the next morning. He had lain awake most of
the night, glancing at Linda from time to time as she slept. When he got home the day
before, he had worried if she had noticed anything different about him, as if his
misdeed was stamped on his forehead. Laying beside her during the night, steeped in
guilt, it had been a struggle between her trust in him and the promise of future intimacy
with James. Images of James in the hotel room had collected in his mind and had not
allowed much sleep; nor had the giddy feelings inside abated.
There would be logistical problems, like finding time he and James could spend
together without raising questions. Perhaps once a week. He spent most of the night
thinking about it. They could meet during the day, but they would always be rushed,
always worried someone might be trying to locate them. The problematic side of the
equation boiled down to an unwanted issue. Then it came to him, a plan that could very
well eliminate the never-ending need to create inventive lies. He would meet James for
lunch, run the idea by him and get his opinion.
He heard grumbling in the bathroom. Sitting up, he wrapped his forearms around his
knees and saw Linda looking at herself in the mirror. She stood with her back to the
mirror, her neck craned for a rear view. She was pulling up the left side of her buttocks
as if she were trying to see something below it, cursing whatever it was. He got out of
bed, padded toward the bathroom and stopped in the doorframe. After getting through
last night’s dinner with Jeff and an evening of Scrabble, he felt confident his secret
could be managed.
“Mornin’, sexy,” he said, scratching his jaw, bewildered by her strange contortions in
the mirror.
She came up on her toes, attempting a better view. “Sexy! That’s a laugh.” She lifted
her left cheek, which tightened the skin on the back of her leg. “Look at that!” she said,
exasperated.
“What are you doing?”
“Just look. It’s obvious.”
His eyes fell dumbly to the back of her leg. “Look at what?”
“Cellulite!”
“What on God’s earth are you talking about?” he said, straining to see whatever it was.
“Those dimples of fat down there.”
He looked up at her distorted face. “Is that supposed to be bad? You can hardly see
it.”
“Bad! I’m aging before my time, David.” She lifted her foot and propped it on the
counter, then leaned forward to look at the skin behind her knee. “And look at this! I’m
getting spider veins.”
“Good lord. What do you want, to look like you’re still eighteen? I don’t want to be
married to a teenager.”
“I can’t believe you let me wear that bikini on a public beach.”
Of course. Forget the bikini, babe—too much ugly cellulite. That would’ve gone over
big.
She lifted her elbow and pushed at the flesh under her arm. “Does it look like this is
sagging to you?”
“Uh, well, let me take a closer look.” He stepped forward and twisted his head down to
inspect the area, then suddenly leaned closer and licked her arm-pit.
She pushed him away, incensed. “You’re not taking this seriously. I’ll remember that
next time I hear you complaining about gray hair.”
“I am taking it seriously! Give up the ice cream. Lose the cellulite. Then your ass won’t
have that sexy jiggle when you walk.”
She stared at him for a moment, seething at being made light of. “I suppose you think
spider veins are sexy, too.”
“I might. But I’ll have to get out my magnifying glass to see yours. I’ll let you know on
that one.”
“Very funny.”
He pushed out his belly. “What about this gut? Seems to get a little bigger every year?”
She glanced at his stomach. “That’s ridiculous. No one would even notice it.”
“So that’s it. My flaws don’t count.”
She huffed over to the closet and put on her housecoat. Shushing past him, she asked:
“What do you want for breakfast?”
He watched her tromp toward the hallway door and called out as she left the room:
“Whatever you want is fine with me, dear.”
♦ ♦ ♦
When James woke up he heard muted laughter and yelling, a houseful of teenage girls
already up and out by the pool. All three daughters had invited friends over for the
night. He was surprised they had gotten out of bed so early. The morning sun filtered
through the blinds and filled the room with warm light. The clock said seven-thirty. The
crisp feel of refrigerated air fell over his skin when he threw back the sheet and moved
to the edge of the bed and sat up.
A feeling came over him. It wasn’t really a strange feeling, rather that of being
someone who perceived the world differently. He felt mellow. There was a vibrant
feeling in his chest as he stood and walked into the bathroom. He stopped before the
full-length mirror, drew a hearty breath and stared at the man looking back at him, at the
body he had shared with David. It dawned on him then. He felt complete. At odds with
the world maybe, but complete, like he was the man he was supposed to be.
After brushing his teeth, he found Shasha busy at work in her studio. She looked exotic
in her favorite sculpting jeans and blouse, hair up, the dust from filed stone on her arms
and face. When she worked her persona took on a rather sensuous, resolute cast. It
was her private room, designed exactly the way she wanted it, built onto the house with
glass walls overlooking the back yard. Here she often spent hours developing her skill
as a sculptress. Her current project was a life-size surreal nude, a standing female with
a vague expression of enchantment within the lines of her face. James felt certain it
was destined to be her best work, similar to a smaller one she had reluctantly sold to
an enthusiastic art dealer the week before. No one bothered her here. They all knew it
was her escape from the endless chores of motherhood. It rarely paid to distract her.
Looking along the wall of shelves on which Shasha displayed her pieces, James
waited for her to speak first. He was fascinated by the eclectic shapes of rock that had
evolved from her mind, and he wondered how anyone could possess such a vivid
imagination. They had built the room the same time the pool was added. David had
sent over the best landscape architect in Dallas, and it showed. The room overlooked
a landscape of gardens and fountains and moss covered brick walkways. Mature
trees added the dimension of shade, which brought the scheme together to form a
private enclave where the family could escape the city.
Shasha looked at her watch. “You slept late this morning.”
He turned. “I know.”
“You aren’t rushing around like a madman to get ready for work.”
He smiled. It was more like an expression of contentment, his smile, for as he looked
at her, he realized more so than usual just how much he loved her. He so wanted it all.
It seemed that his life had finally come into balance, its predetermined components in
place.
He stepped forward and reached out to brush a spot of dust from her lip, and he smiled
again. Seeing the sheen within her eyes was a perfect start for the new day.
“Should I have gotten you out bed?”
“No,” he said, stroking the back of her hair.
She was perplexed, but pleasantly so as she glanced at his forearm. “Want me to fix
your breakfast?”
“No. Don’t stop. I’m too anxious to see this one finished.” He glanced over the statue.
“I’ll heat some water for oatmeal. Before I leave I’ll come back in to say good-bye.”
He looked out over the yard. As racially diverse as his sexual nature, the small gang of
girls frolicked about the pool. He was pleased with the fact that his daughters were
colorblind. He thought the little Japanese girl was especially adorable, her diminutive
form lost in the sagging wet swimsuit. Shasha, noting his unhurried manner, studied
him when he stepped back for another long look at her statue. Then he turned and
walked casually out of the room.
took the chair in front of the desk. David looked at his watch. They had not planned to
go to the gym until four o’clock.
“Have I forgotten another meeting or something?” David asked, studying the muted
expression on his friend’s face. He noticed at once an unusually quiet demeanor, eyes
intense, revealing, hands restless on the arms of the chair.
James failed to respond. His full lips slightly parted, he sat waiting, as if nothing could
be said more clearly than his quiet submissive gaze.
David nervously tapped his fingers on the desk, the message in James’s dark eyes as
clear as if stated. His voice came in a near helpless whisper. “James...” He closed
his eyes with a dry swallow.
“I canceled my appointments this afternoon,” James said with unmistakable intent.
“Couldn’t concentrate on a file. I avoided a meeting because I knew I wouldn’t
remember a word said.”
David looked at his friend a moment longer, then stood and walked to the window. He
stared out a long while in distant thought. Somewhere in his mind he knew they would
surrender, and that moment was before him now. He felt his destiny cast on a breeze
and found it bore no guilt, for that had evaporated in the warmth of a lover’s gaze. He
turned and his eyes fell across shoulders and chest, masculine contours that beckoned
and quickened the flow of blood. An unspoken conclusion had passed between them,
no longer resistible, no longer encumbered by pretense or doubt.
David’s thoughts were in harmony with the pleas of his body. He drew another breath.
“There’s an underground parking garage at that hotel at Mockingbird and Central.”
James nodded.
“I’ll follow you. You can wait in the parking garage while I go up and get the room. I’ll
get two keys so we can go up separately.”
♦ ♦ ♦
David handed James the key and watched him walk silently toward the elevator. When
James disappeared behind the electronic doors, he gazed absently across the lonely
cavern of concrete and parked cars. Facing the forbidden mysteries of an unexplored
path, his uneasy breath and fast beating heart made what he was about to do very
real. Sensuous shadows formed in his mind, beguiling images that made gooseflesh
crawl on his skin. They summoned with the power to draw him toward the elevator,
taunting him with uncertainty and guilt.
He pressed number six and felt an upward motion that made him lightheaded. His
eyes closed and he leaned against the carpeted wall and took a few deep breaths to
steady his nerve. The afternoon had become a surreal dream.
David entered the room and closed the door. It seemed his heart had stopped, only to
pound even harder moments later as the chilled air flared through his nostrils.
Staring out the window, James turned. His dark eyes implied he had already passed
the point of no return. Releasing a sigh, James watched his friend step forward and
stop in the middle of the room. He sensed the desire in David’s eyes on his skin, and
imagined the warmth of his hands on his body. His heart raced in his chest as he
stepped from the window and unknotted his tie and tossed it on a chair. He paused
and their eyes met when he reached for the buttons on his shirt.
David moved backward and sat on the corner of the bed, allowing himself a moment to
comprehend what it meant to see his best friend undressing. Not a dream or fleeting
thought, but the reality of two men in sync, little more than an arm’s length from their first
caress. What he had fantasized about was taking place before him. David sat
spellbound, mellowing with a nervous light sweat, disconcerted by this unthinkable turn
of events. What now? Where will this lead—two men, best friends all these years,
coming together this way?
James removed his shirt and it joined the tie on the chair. He leaned forward to
remove his shoes and then kicked them aside. Off came his socks and his big hands
moved to the belt. He unbuckled it and lowered the zipper, then unfastened the pants
and pushed them down his muscular legs. Muted in the glare of sunlight, he stood
passively in white cotton briefs, his quiet gaze captivating an awaiting lover. Then his
thumbs disappeared beneath the waistband. The briefs came down his legs and his
cock sprang free, rich in tar-like color and jutting outward as if to announce a well-
defined need. He stood naked before the man he had worked with for fifteen years,
the man he had known as his best friend, perspiration glistening on black skin
patterned with tight curls of black hair that ran across his chest and down his belly.
With powerful arms limp at his side, his face warm with desire, he stood in the gaze of
devouring eyes.
“Lost your tongue?”
David’s looked up. “Wow...” the word soft and dreamlike. It was the two of them
together, four walls and a locked door, and time that all at once seemed to stand still.
“I'm trying to believe this is happening.”
“I’m feeling a little self-conscious.”
“Why? It’s just the two of us here.”
“You’re still dressed and I’m standing here naked. It’s like electricity is running through
my body.”
“James, damn, you’re beautiful.” David glanced over him again and looked back up.
“It’s so different … being here in a room like this. I’m used to stealing a glimpse in the
gym shower.” He exhaled a long sigh. “This is real, isn’t it? I could walk over there and
touch you, anywhere I want.”
“Yeah, you could.”
David’s eyes wandered again. All those years ... business deals, vacations, dinners
out with our wives. All those secret fantasies when you walk into the room. Suddenly
James seemed like a different man, more than a partner and best friend, but also a
companion in a private world just the two of them shared, at one with the special
harmony known only by like-minded men. “I've got to let this soak in ... I’d just like to
look at you for a while.”
Tingles raced across James’s skin. He felt sensuously passive as the moment
stretched. This was different all right. He had not been made love to this way before,
standing naked before a pair of riveted eyes, the eyes of another man. “What do we
do now?” he finally asked.
Their eyes met. All of his old perspectives had evaporated in the heat of the here and
now. David’s gaze swept over the tall muscular body, the broad chest rising and falling
with restless anticipation. He stood and approached, circling behind the well-shaped
landscape of masculine flesh, drawn to the provocative shadows and the contours of
black skin, his hands ready to experience what his mind for years had imagined.
"Isn’t that supposed to come naturally?”
James’s shoulders relaxed. “Seems like it already is.”
His eyes had feasted on James’s magnificent body many times. This time he used his
hands. They glided over the moist skin, the strong back, then his fingers raked
between the fleshy rounds of gluteal muscle. He leaned closer to James’s ear. “It’s
warm down there, damp.”
“You’re making me sweat.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yes,” he sighed, “and turned on.”
David’s lips touched his neck and his nostrils filled with the scent of a man’s sweat.
“The other day…” he whispered, “at the club, when we were in the shower. You leaned
over to pickup the soap. Can you imagine what went through my mind?”
“You want me to bend over?” James asked over his shoulder, his voice passive and
compliant.
“This time you’ll know what I’m looking at and what I’m thinking.”
James stepped closer to the bed, leaned forward and rested his palms on the
mattress. He spread his legs and captured David’s gaze. David stepped forward,
white hands resting on black hips. He slowly dropped to his knees and allowed his
eyes a visual feast of male symmetry, an ass squeezed tight and testicles dropping low
between a pair of taut legs. No longer burdened by the taboos that forbid such acts, he
stared as his hands closed on the fleshy mounds and his thumbs pressed into the
crease and parted them, releasing a musk that inflamed his passion, a spellbinding
moment of touch and taste, of lips brushing forbidden flesh, of two men at one with their
bodies.
Overwhelmed by long denied sensations, James turned when David got off of his
knees and began to undress him. First the buttons on his shirt. David’s eyes closed
as silence engulfed them, and shivers raced across his arms when the shirt was lifted
from his shoulders, then sweet chills when his pants came down his legs. Standing
naked, his skin tingling with cool air charged with desire, his hands ached with
irresistible urges. He felt James’s eyes and he waited a moment to collect his thoughts.
James reached for David’s cock. It felt warm and hard in his hand, incredibly intimate.
“All these years we’ve known each other, I wondered what it would be like to do this.”
“I like it.” He looked down at his cock in James’s hand.
“Any guilt?”
“Not yet.”
“We could back out ... get dressed and...”
“No,” David interrupted. “We’ve waited too many years already.”
James looked at him a moment longer. A deep reverence appeared in his eyes. He
put his hand behind David’s head and pulled him closer. Their lips touched, a
reserved, lingering kiss. As the kiss grew wetter it evolved with abandon, alive with
passion and need. Then James pulled him in tight and whispered: “Let’s get in the
shower.”
The small room filled with steam a minute or two after they stepped into the tub.
James, standing behind his lover, reached for the soap. With large soapy hands he
delivered wave after wave of pleasure, his shoulders and back, then from behind,
between his legs, soaping and caressing him there. A shallow probe and David’s
anus tightened on the curious finger. His head fell back, his body fell limp and he
moaned as the slow act lingered.
“James ... that feels good,” a breathless whisper, binding them on a new level.
James withdrew his finger and wrapped his arms around David’s chest and drew him
close. “There’s been so many times I’ve thought about this ... so many ways I want to
know you.” His palm slid down over David’s belly. “All this time. Why didn’t we realize
it?”
David turned and his gaze settled on James’s chest, skin that looked blacker running
with white soap. They stood in the steam, wet and warm in a glow of submission, one’
s cock nudging the other. David reached down and joined them in one grip and
stroked the two together, feeling a little lightheaded with the intimacy.
James knelt and let the spray rinse David’s cock free of soap. It flexed in response to
his warm mouth and released a drop of semen, teasing James’s hunger. Tentative
and slow at first, moments later a fury of sucking and a greedy tongue. Lost in the
sensations spreading through his body, David felt the spasms and pulsing release.
Then, as the sweet tension melted into yielding muscle, he turned and braced himself
against the tile.
With the shower spray pelting his shoulders, James came up off his knees and took
hold of David’s cheeks, prying them open with his thumbs. He pushed a soapy finger
inside, further in this time, finding new depth. David groaned. Chills ran through his
body as a second finger pushed through. As the pain turned to pleasure, James
positioned himself with a determined push, the inflamed glans pressing into the
hopelessly small hole, more intimate than the finger, more urgent, more expressive of
male need.
Years of fantasy and want came alive in every cell of David’s body. Enduring the sharp
sweet pangs, he breathed in gasps, the push slow and determined. Resigned to its
painful thickness, he clenched his teeth as the cock pushed through. A steamy sweat
filmed his body by the time James’s pubic hair crushed against him, and the pain
dissolved into an almost unbearable kind of pleasure. Slow at first, fluid, easier with
time, it evolved inevitably into unrestrained thrusts. Black hands gripped white hips
and the sensations from one seemed to pass into the other. The need had awakened
in their genes; for this, they both knew, could not have been denied forever.
James’s buttocks squeezed tight. He moaned and locked his arms around his lover’s
ribs. David felt the spasms inside, wholly content he had been the cause. James held
on, resting the side of his face on David’s shoulder, breathing hard against his neck. A
few moments passed as both men contemplated the line they had crossed, neither
aware of passing time or the world outside, both free of regrets.
When he softened and slipped out, James whispered: “Hmm ... I’m hooked.”
David remained quiet. He sensed something had happened to him, but couldn’t say
what. It was like a kind of energy inside, something pleasant, something that made him
feel closer to James than he had ever imagined. This, with this man, was as much a
part of him as the need for air or any other form of nourishment. This was intended.
With barely the strength to stand, they showered off the remnants of sex and sweat and
went back into the bedroom still wet. James threw back the bedding and sat down on
the cool sheet and reclined against the headboard. David joined him and rested the
back of his head on James’s lap, the paradox of male sex still pervasive in the room.
They lay quietly for a while, pondering a destiny that had brought them here.
How could it be defined or explained? How could the long-smoldering embers of
desire have finally compelled two men to take such risks? How could it ever again be
ignored?
David looked up at the reflective expression on James’s face. “I can’t describe how I
feel. I wanted to make love with you, but I wasn’t expecting to feel this way afterwards.
This close. I thought it was an urge to be with a man, to be with you. It’s more than
that. The emotional part is more potent than the sex.”
James, stroking David’s hair, had noticed it, too. “There’s no going back, not now or
ever.”
David stretched out his legs, extending his feet past the edge of the bed. “Too many
years slipped though our fingers,” he said wistfully.
James shifted his gaze to David’s lower body, whose legs were crossed at the ankles.
His penis, spent and flaccid, lie resting atop testicles partly wedged between his
thighs. James took it into his hand and ran his thumb over the tiny hole and right away
felt the swelling weight of arousal. “No reason we can’t make up for a few lost years.”
“When you were standing beside the bed and I knelt behind you ... I couldn’t believe it
affected me that way. Like I was drugged. ...Was it like that with the guy in college?”
“No,” James said flatly, staring at the ceiling. Not like that at all, David. Far different
than what’s happened between you and I. He didn’t say it out loud. He couldn't. That
would be much too close to crossing the one line that neither one of them could afford
to cross.
“I’ll never get enough,” David sighed. He closed his eyes again, his body relaxed and
languid on the sheet. “Look at us, laying here naked together. In a little while we have
to go home and face our wives. Linda’s planning to grill fish in the back yard tonight.
Jeff’s coming home from school.”
James looked at him and released an ironic breath. “Yeah, and while they’re trying to
get you involved in the conversation, you’ll be thinking about getting fucked in the
shower.”
“Uh-huh. I still won’t believe it happened.”
“We’ve got Shasha’s mother coming over for dinner. I’m supposed to pick up Chinese
on the way home.”
“And when they’re asking you why you forgot the chopsticks, you’ll be thinking about
squeezing your best friend’s balls.”
“Think we can handle it?”
“We have no choice. Has to be easier to deal with than denial has been.”
“We think alike, my friend.”
“Well, ain’t nothing ever gonna be the same.” David shifted his weight and propped
himself on his elbow. “I’ve known the question a long time. Just never suspected you
were the answer.”
♦ ♦ ♦
David’s eyes opened at seven o’clock the next morning. He had lain awake most of
the night, glancing at Linda from time to time as she slept. When he got home the day
before, he had worried if she had noticed anything different about him, as if his
misdeed was stamped on his forehead. Laying beside her during the night, steeped in
guilt, it had been a struggle between her trust in him and the promise of future intimacy
with James. Images of James in the hotel room had collected in his mind and had not
allowed much sleep; nor had the giddy feelings inside abated.
There would be logistical problems, like finding time he and James could spend
together without raising questions. Perhaps once a week. He spent most of the night
thinking about it. They could meet during the day, but they would always be rushed,
always worried someone might be trying to locate them. The problematic side of the
equation boiled down to an unwanted issue. Then it came to him, a plan that could very
well eliminate the never-ending need to create inventive lies. He would meet James for
lunch, run the idea by him and get his opinion.
He heard grumbling in the bathroom. Sitting up, he wrapped his forearms around his
knees and saw Linda looking at herself in the mirror. She stood with her back to the
mirror, her neck craned for a rear view. She was pulling up the left side of her buttocks
as if she were trying to see something below it, cursing whatever it was. He got out of
bed, padded toward the bathroom and stopped in the doorframe. After getting through
last night’s dinner with Jeff and an evening of Scrabble, he felt confident his secret
could be managed.
“Mornin’, sexy,” he said, scratching his jaw, bewildered by her strange contortions in
the mirror.
She came up on her toes, attempting a better view. “Sexy! That’s a laugh.” She lifted
her left cheek, which tightened the skin on the back of her leg. “Look at that!” she said,
exasperated.
“What are you doing?”
“Just look. It’s obvious.”
His eyes fell dumbly to the back of her leg. “Look at what?”
“Cellulite!”
“What on God’s earth are you talking about?” he said, straining to see whatever it was.
“Those dimples of fat down there.”
He looked up at her distorted face. “Is that supposed to be bad? You can hardly see
it.”
“Bad! I’m aging before my time, David.” She lifted her foot and propped it on the
counter, then leaned forward to look at the skin behind her knee. “And look at this! I’m
getting spider veins.”
“Good lord. What do you want, to look like you’re still eighteen? I don’t want to be
married to a teenager.”
“I can’t believe you let me wear that bikini on a public beach.”
Of course. Forget the bikini, babe—too much ugly cellulite. That would’ve gone over
big.
She lifted her elbow and pushed at the flesh under her arm. “Does it look like this is
sagging to you?”
“Uh, well, let me take a closer look.” He stepped forward and twisted his head down to
inspect the area, then suddenly leaned closer and licked her arm-pit.
She pushed him away, incensed. “You’re not taking this seriously. I’ll remember that
next time I hear you complaining about gray hair.”
“I am taking it seriously! Give up the ice cream. Lose the cellulite. Then your ass won’t
have that sexy jiggle when you walk.”
She stared at him for a moment, seething at being made light of. “I suppose you think
spider veins are sexy, too.”
“I might. But I’ll have to get out my magnifying glass to see yours. I’ll let you know on
that one.”
“Very funny.”
He pushed out his belly. “What about this gut? Seems to get a little bigger every year?”
She glanced at his stomach. “That’s ridiculous. No one would even notice it.”
“So that’s it. My flaws don’t count.”
She huffed over to the closet and put on her housecoat. Shushing past him, she asked:
“What do you want for breakfast?”
He watched her tromp toward the hallway door and called out as she left the room:
“Whatever you want is fine with me, dear.”
♦ ♦ ♦
When James woke up he heard muted laughter and yelling, a houseful of teenage girls
already up and out by the pool. All three daughters had invited friends over for the
night. He was surprised they had gotten out of bed so early. The morning sun filtered
through the blinds and filled the room with warm light. The clock said seven-thirty. The
crisp feel of refrigerated air fell over his skin when he threw back the sheet and moved
to the edge of the bed and sat up.
A feeling came over him. It wasn’t really a strange feeling, rather that of being
someone who perceived the world differently. He felt mellow. There was a vibrant
feeling in his chest as he stood and walked into the bathroom. He stopped before the
full-length mirror, drew a hearty breath and stared at the man looking back at him, at the
body he had shared with David. It dawned on him then. He felt complete. At odds with
the world maybe, but complete, like he was the man he was supposed to be.
After brushing his teeth, he found Shasha busy at work in her studio. She looked exotic
in her favorite sculpting jeans and blouse, hair up, the dust from filed stone on her arms
and face. When she worked her persona took on a rather sensuous, resolute cast. It
was her private room, designed exactly the way she wanted it, built onto the house with
glass walls overlooking the back yard. Here she often spent hours developing her skill
as a sculptress. Her current project was a life-size surreal nude, a standing female with
a vague expression of enchantment within the lines of her face. James felt certain it
was destined to be her best work, similar to a smaller one she had reluctantly sold to
an enthusiastic art dealer the week before. No one bothered her here. They all knew it
was her escape from the endless chores of motherhood. It rarely paid to distract her.
Looking along the wall of shelves on which Shasha displayed her pieces, James
waited for her to speak first. He was fascinated by the eclectic shapes of rock that had
evolved from her mind, and he wondered how anyone could possess such a vivid
imagination. They had built the room the same time the pool was added. David had
sent over the best landscape architect in Dallas, and it showed. The room overlooked
a landscape of gardens and fountains and moss covered brick walkways. Mature
trees added the dimension of shade, which brought the scheme together to form a
private enclave where the family could escape the city.
Shasha looked at her watch. “You slept late this morning.”
He turned. “I know.”
“You aren’t rushing around like a madman to get ready for work.”
He smiled. It was more like an expression of contentment, his smile, for as he looked
at her, he realized more so than usual just how much he loved her. He so wanted it all.
It seemed that his life had finally come into balance, its predetermined components in
place.
He stepped forward and reached out to brush a spot of dust from her lip, and he smiled
again. Seeing the sheen within her eyes was a perfect start for the new day.
“Should I have gotten you out bed?”
“No,” he said, stroking the back of her hair.
She was perplexed, but pleasantly so as she glanced at his forearm. “Want me to fix
your breakfast?”
“No. Don’t stop. I’m too anxious to see this one finished.” He glanced over the statue.
“I’ll heat some water for oatmeal. Before I leave I’ll come back in to say good-bye.”
He looked out over the yard. As racially diverse as his sexual nature, the small gang of
girls frolicked about the pool. He was pleased with the fact that his daughters were
colorblind. He thought the little Japanese girl was especially adorable, her diminutive
form lost in the sagging wet swimsuit. Shasha, noting his unhurried manner, studied
him when he stepped back for another long look at her statue. Then he turned and
walked casually out of the room.
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